A la deriva
Write comments about my essay here.
Comentarios
Hey Cara,
In the first line of your essay, you wrote "mucho elementos." It should be "muchos." Also, when you say "de autor," I think it should be "del autor." I don't think you need an accent on "como" but I'm not exactly sure.
Well, of course it was super otherwise.
Hey Cara,
In the 2nd paragraph you wrote "se muere como su canoa..." but I think se muere would mean that he killed himself, so I think it would just be "muere".
- in the 3rd paragraph in the 2nd sentence instead of "poder leer" I think you meant to say "para leer"
- when you wrote about "la vista positiva" in the 3rd paragraph it might make more sence or t to be "el mensaje positivo"
- "por que" should be change to por que (2 words) I think
- you wrote "major" and it should be "mejor"
- Your first paragraph is very good, I liked it a lot and didn't catch any mistakes!
-from, kate Delle
Hello Cara,
The story is well written. However, like Colleen stated, "mucho elementos" should be "muchos". I really liked the way you connected Quiroga's death with the character's unfortunate death.
I agree with what Coleen and Maha said about "mucho elementos" it should be "muchos." Also, I agree with what Coleen says about "de autor"; it should be "del autor" but I don't think there's anything grammatically too terrible about that ^^
And I agree with Coleen about the "cómo"; I don't think it needs an accent. I believe that generally accents are put on words such as "como","que","cual", etc. when you use them in a question like "¿Cómo estás?".
-Kate: "morirse" means to die, so Cara is right in a sense. However, Cara, I'm not sure if you want to compare his death to his adrift canoe, or you want to say "he died while his canoe was adrift." I'm going to assume you wanted to say the second thing and that means "él se muere como su canoa flota a deriva." should be" él se muere mientras que su canoa flota a la deriva". If you want to make the comparison, I think it would be less ambiguous if you split the sentence in two. You could say he died. Then you could say "La muerte es como la canoa a la deriva." But then the sentence after would probably need modification to transition better.
-I agree with what Kate says about "poder leer" being "para leer"
-As to the phrase "la vista positiva" in the 3rd paragraph, I think there's a difference between a view, as in nice scenery, and a view as in "point of view", which is "punto de vista". Otherwise, Kate's suggestions about using "el mensaje positivo" might be better. I might even change the whole sentence to "Es bueno que leamos historias que muestra mensajes pesimistas." But that loses the personal touch of your opinion.
-I think "por que" in the last sentence should be one word "porque"
I agree with Kate that "major" should be "mejor".
-In the third paragraph: "en la vida interesaba", did you mean "en la vida interestante"?
-This phrase in the 3rd paragraph: "por que pude conectar major a la historia" bothers me a bit because I have no idea what can connect better to the story. The subject is unclear because all possible subjects in the sentence, "El detalle y el grado" and "imágenes", are plural subjects. So either "creó" and "pude" need to be changed into "crearon" and "pudieron", or you need to change the subject of each word to be more clear.
-
heyy cara! in the first sentence i think you translated word for word from english...maybe instead of: "Por lo general, encontré que esta historia revelaba mucho elementos para comprender..." you could say "me parecía un manera de revelar muchos elementos..." (it seemed to be a way to reveal many elements...) because i dont think the word-for-word english translation makes sense here. i really like your second paragraph..it IS correct to say 'se muere' here by the way. i think that "En haciendo esto" doesn't make sense...maybe "Al morirse" fits better.
-in the conclusion, i dont think you need the imperfect subjunctive for the word transmitir, i think imperfect indicative or present indicative would fit. overall, very awesome and very cara-esque. :)
hey cara great essay you used really rich language. I noticed you said "mucho elementos" and for agreement it should be muchos. Then later down in the first paragraph "cómo" doesn't need an accent. That's accented only in questions. I think in the second paragraph when you said "Quiroga está pretendiendo" It should be está because it's a conjugated verb in the ud. present form. And just another little thing... in the conclusion when you said por que I think it should have been porque .. if you were trying to say 'because' por que is used to ask why.
you're essay was so well written. good job. -lauren
Cara,
i saw that you put mucho instead of muchos.
The only other thing i saw was you said major instead of maybe, mejor?
Also you put a como with an accent on the first o when it shouldn't be there. Great job!
Kate,
A la Deriva por Horacio Quiroga es una cuenta muy extraño para mí pero es interesante también porque admiro el hombre en la historia.
<-- i'm not sure but you could probobly put that in two sentences to flow better.
i saw pico el tobillo and the o in pico should have an accent.
busco should be buscó.
also A La Deriva could be in quotes.
ignore that one.. that was for kate! I don't know how to get rid of that!
-In the second paragraph where it says "El mensaje que Quiroga esta pretendiendo" esta should have an accent.
-"mucho elementos" should be muchos elementos
-In the third paragraph where it says "Pienso que sea bueno poder leer historias" I think you could just leave out poder and say pienso que sea bueno leer historias.
Good Job!
Hey Cara,
-like most everyone said, mucho elementos should be mucho elementos and major should be mejor
-I'm not sure, but I think you might want to say "este cuento" instead of esta historia because I think cuento refers more to this type of story than historia does.
-When you said, " el mensaje que Quiroga esta pretendiendo", there should be an accent on the a.
-I believe contentmente should be contentamente.
-Great Job, you write in Spanish extremely well!
-